Letters from the ‘BIG me’

Do you write letters to yourself?

I do.

It all started years ago when I decided to psych myself up to wake up early and do a bit of exercise before going to school. Of course, waking up early when I was a student was really the most difficult task for me to do, up to now. And plus that exercise thingy is just too much. But, since I gained a bit of maturity that time, I realized having a sane mind and a healthy body would improve my college life. So, I took out my journal and wrote something like this to myself:

“WAKE UP EARLY at 6:00 a.m.!!!
You have to DISCIPLINE yourself,
You have to EXERCISE for at least 15 minutes,
And DON’T BE LATE for school, blah blah blah…”

You could say that was the ‘BIG me’ admonishing the ‘small me’ to do something about my laziness. This amusing way of writing to myself helped me during those times. The ‘small me’ would even report some achievements to the ‘BIG me’ and it would get a hearty congratulations in my journal for a job well done.

Since then, my journal would not only contain my ideas and thoughts on how my day went, but on some pages are written the letters to myself which have mostly matured and taken on new priorities, deeper thought and more self awareness. Of course, I also wrote some in dialect like this one which I did to motivate myself for a very difficult project:

“Gamay lang gani nga pagsulay, mura na kag mamatay. AYAW! Kinahanglan lig-on gyud. Ayaw pagpadala sa mga problema.” (It’s just a small trial and you already feel like dying. Don’t! You have to be strong. Don’t be weighed down by your problems.)

The most intense letter I wrote to myself was when I was so down and depressed; I had nobody to talk to. I was then reviewing for the board exams in Manila and the problems just piled up one after the other – homesickness, the stress caused by the so-many-to-study-too-little-time dilemma, financial constraints and other challenges. It was a painful experience for me. I just grabbed a scratch paper half-filled with mathematical computations and this was what came out of my desperate thoughts that time:

“Have you ever questioned your very existence? What makes you breathe? What force is there in you that keeps you moving on? Have you ever pondered on why despite the storms in your very life you have passed through; you are still there – standing, undaunted and holding on to the very essence of life? You can make it through, though you have been weak, frail and vulnerable to the pain and the hurt, you are strong. The pain is there to humble you – what better emotion is there that could make a proud heart bow down to life’s lessons? Pain lessens our selfishness and makes us reach out to others… we need other hands to heal the broken pieces of our lives. You have to welcome the pain and the hurt; it is part of the healing and purifying of a heart so stubborn and proud. Be humble and accept pain, welcome it… God will give you enough grace to pass this storm. Hold on and stand firm.”

There were some disciplining letters I wrote to myself which I obeyed and followed, though some were just simply ignored, either for reasons like plain old laziness or a change of priorities and plans.

I still write letters to myself. It does help me get through difficult times, and there’s no better way for me to inspire, encourage and affirm the ‘small me’ than being addressed by the ‘BIG me’ clearly in print.

Maybe it’s time you write a letter to yourself too. =)