Acceptance

I can’t imagine heaven’s lullabies
and what they must sound like,
but I will rest in knowing,
heaven is your home
and it’s all you’ll ever know…”
Glory baby, Watermark

“Lord, nganong gikuha man nimo si Jan-jan uy?” It was a lighthearted question from Jon, asking God why He took his little sister. No, I didn’t sense a hint of bitterness or blame.

We were talking about my niece – little Jan-jan, cute Jan-jan… chinky eyes, rosy cheeks, black hair, chubby and healthy, picture perfect baby, who left us when she was only 3 months old. Her Mom woke up to find her little body lifeless beside her. It was such great sorrow for a mother to let go of her baby daughter at such an early age. The cause of death was unexplainable, a case of SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome) which usually happens to seemingly healthy babies younger than 1 year old. I remember how it was so painful for my sis-in-law that time to accept her death. It was as if nothing could take away the hurt and misery she felt. That was about ten years ago.

It was a sunny Monday afternoon, when Jan-jan’s remains were transferred from the old public cemetery to the Mactan Island Memorial Garden (MIMG). Now she has a new home. It was her second burial. We waited for my big bro and sis-in-law at the memorial garden, and finally they arrived, with a white box. My sis-in-law related to us how the hired men at the old cemetery took out her little bones with her white dress, socks, and gloves still on, soiled but not rotten, how her bones looked so tiny, how they transferred them to a white box, wrapped it with white cloth and sealed with a ribbon. She now spoke with much fondness and love, no more traces of pain.

I watched pensively as a man placed the box in the pit, covered it with concrete slab, sealed it with mortar, then used a shovel to cover it with soil. Jan-jan could have been a little girl by now. I know she could have been a joy to her Dad and Mom, a malambing and kulit sister to her Kuya and Ate, and a doting sister to little Josh. The square of bermuda grass was finally placed on top of the soil. Candles were lit and we gathered around and said a prayer for Jan-jan, a little angel watching over us.